Monday, July 11, 2011

Do you like my poem? I titled it emotions on my sleeves?

I love the first three lines. From that point forward your word choice isn't precise. "wilt" "nonchalant" "rendezvous" all seem to me to be poor choices in the context in which you've placed them. The line that starts with "Weed" also needs some revising as it doesn't convey a strong enough idea. I think it ends very nicely.

No comments:

Post a Comment